80,7kg " + " This time its not so easy for me, because I know its not just stuff in my intestines, but simply fat. I felt it during morning exercise and this time is no excuse possible even for a pro in excuses like I am.
Else I slept moderately and deep, dont remember any dreams again, it seems that sleeping with a woman next to me makes my dreams amplified and come more int on my consciousness. Its interesting phenomena. Anyhow, in the morning straight for morning exercises.
I) Starting today with Sun Salutations on speed after long time. Alarm with 10 minutes limit rung at 45th rep and 15 minute at 57th rep. But I must say I felt it better then I though, I felt whole exercise more grounded, stable, conscious, it felt good. And I felt how giving is this exercise too. Its amazing how inconspicuously these feelings leave my life, its just like if I look away for a while and this knowing of how its good and helping me is vanishing... amazing really.
Next I did 10 minutes of ABS/core exercise, 33 sit-ups alternating with yoga v-sit, incredibly hard set. Especially when Im not escaping into mind on yoga v-sit its very rich, to feel all those muscle fibers how they flex/stretch/work. It makes all difference really, from just suffering and plain hold it changes into constant work with feeling and controlling my own body. I almost could not to stand up in the end...
Lats part was about dancing for about 20 minutes. Today very simple, I would even say crude dance, with not much imagination, but in some way it was good, because I could somehow get into basics and remember roots of my dancing and experience again how it feels to start dancing from this basic raw form into creativity. I enjoyed dancing today :)
II) Later afternoon I did yoga, about 1 hour set, I feel I have to start again after that experience 2 weeks ago. I did 2 asanas on 1st and 2nd chakra and 1 for other chakras up to Ajna chakra (6th chakra). But it seems its always strong for me. I just can adjust how much I allow to come. So I felt great I did easy set. Just 3 minutes in each asana, no difficult positions. I was in this melted post-yoga state anyway, just I felt I can handle that this time. Question is - is it any good if I CAN handle it? Wouldnt be real breakthrough to get to the point where I CAN NOT handle it? This question makes me crazy.
III) Afternoon I had special client for experiments with rebuilding neuro system in leg and find out how to help this client to walk normally again. Im curious how it will develop. Its possible to be in very good connection with this client so I see big potential to fix this chronical condition. Feels fascinating to have this opportunity to test Shiatsu on serious chronical condition.
IV) In the evening I was dancing for about an hour. I just felt I have to dance out my inability to resist eating sweets. It was not really easy in the beginning, I felt like cowered with spiderweb or something, yak. But it slowly got better and after about 45 minutes I got into nice, mindless state of natural dancing, it was nice. And After that hour I made short meditation to calm down and inspect what this dance made with me. Retrospectively - it moved what those sweets glued, so great :P
Topic of today is fear again, I feel like horrible coward. Im afraid to let go whats sure and safe and jump into unknown. Even I live normally like walking a thin ice this final "jump" is so incredible to do. Even to not backup everytime I get deeper in yoga or relationship. Im so easily make scared. Or it seems to me. But I have no idea how to change it. I hope yoga can show me the way in the way yoga do - in practice, in consious being.
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