78,9kg " - " no comment
Tonight I slept well and deep and had even a dream! I wrote it before it went out of my head completely. I forgot big part, but it as very interesting dream which left very strange feeling inside me. For totally unknown reason I was puppet of someone who told me what to do, but I was very skilled and international-class multibilionair but still obedient to this other person. In first part of the dream (I forgot completely this part, just remember that it happened) I did something remarkable for this person. In second part I agreed to realize project which felt totally crazy! I had to build icebergs as comercional project and I was negotiating with other people about it. I felt like a slave even I was one of most powerful and rich beings on the planet. Very interesting feeling. I felt totally trapped and I did not even understood and saw the leash which bounded me. I wasnt blackmailed or anything to be obedient, I just did even I felt that something is dying inside me when I let myself to do it. Does it should tell me, that Im slave of old ways even I have all resources to free myself from this slavery? Dosnt we all.... ? What a start of the day.
In the morning I did not made morning exercises, I set everything and started, but I was unable to do it, only excuses, but so strong I could not fight it today. I feel like Im fighting invisible force. I have to keep going to continue my way, I fell today, but I can rise again and I know I will. And I feel that this time it wont take months as before. I feel that it all started at Saturday with yoga and I wont let myself to be controlled by fear again, I will keep going and even if I will be weaker for some time, I will use first opportunity and breeze of power to jump back in and continue on my path. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, but I will.
I feel that key right now is nutrition, Im stuck on sweets and it kills my taste for healthy food and cooking, I dont eat anything in last days basically, justa bit of vegetables and sweet/salt crap. I wish to break this vicious circle and start eating good again, I need energy from food but what I eat now takes energy from me, my head knows it, but my system is so in panic since Saturday that is making me to do stuff which stops my energy. I know its protection of a system and I cant blame my system for me, it was very scary what was happening in last days, but on other side, this defense is harming me as well.
Need to fix nutrition. Asap.
Rest of the day I was traveling a lot, went to swim to the lake, it was so hot that water almost could not cool me down! Amazing, but great anyway, I did not swam much so far this year so it was nice to swim again and have some fun. Also I relized something what I would not admit in a past - I enjoyed watching other people, it was pleasant to see so many healthy people, where I live I see more beer and fat people, but her was mayority of sportive, fit people and it was joy to see it really, also from esthetic point of view.
Interesting day today, I experieced all the scale of felings from resignation to complete satisfaction with life, beauty, annoyment, joy, fun... and enjoyed sun as well :) Great day in the end.
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