12.8.2014 - second in a row

? W. Tonight I slept not good, took me long time to fell asleep. We are going through very heavy period with my wife and yesterday evening it went even heavier. But in the morning I did morning exercise anyway.
 Notes: 18x pushups, 3:00 headstand.
 I) Starting with 10 minutes of Sun Salutation, holds 5-3 seconds. Not much to add, good warm and stretch up as usually. I continued then with 10 minutes of ABS and core practices. I was very careful on my back and did most of youtube set. Wasnt so rich, but I dont feel ready to challenge full haul before I feel my back healed enough.
 Last I was dancing for about 20 minutes. Today it was more fun and I enjoyed it.
 II) I had again 3 clients today. Somehow it happened, that 1 client is waiting for giving birth any day, second is father from recently born kid and third client recently suffered failed pregnancy. But its just curiosity. It was harder today, I felt that number of clients and situation with my beloved also did not helped to keep my system very strong. But I have no doubt I did 100% for clients, its just that if I would have same tomorrow, it would be very challenging. Its great to have so much clients, Im very happy about it, because I feel how its helping me to develop more in my work.

 Rest of the day I did not much, because I needed to rest. Also, 2 clients mentioned Demolition Man movie for some reason so I watched it today and its interesting movie - funny, innovative, good actors, interesting ideas. What was most important for me was moral dilemma between chaos and order and finding the middle way where most people can live as they want. Also was interesting this thing how is life creating extremes in moment where majority is too skin-deep. Interesting in context of today world.
 Strong day today, both because of work and personal life. Ohm mani padme hum.

11.8.2014 - Shiatsu day, yay!

? W. Tonigth I slept well, not even mosquitoes woken me up, was great. And in the morning up for morning exercise.
 Notes: 16x pushup, 2:00 headstand.
I) I did today shorter version of morning exercise, first I did not wanted to exhaust myself before such full day and second, I dont feel my back 100% healthy yet.
 Started with 10 minutes of Sun Salutations, first 2x 5sec holds and then dynamic, precise repetitions till the end. Great stretch up and warm up in the state I am in.
 Then I made 10 minutes of combined exercises, 20x Burpees, running with stretches, stretches, squats etc. Was nicely rich and felt complete. Think I will develop some new way of doing morning exercise with these elements somehow combined.
 Last I was dancing for about 10 minutes. Felt OK, did not had troubles and my fear from new injury is slowly fading. But I dont want to overreact and be too fast in getting back so taking it easy. Still feeling my lower back fragile.
 II) I had full day of clients today. I was v.happy about it, because I was longing to work again more and I enjoyed working today very very much. All 3 treatments felt very effective and seemed it did a lot of service for clients, which was great. In the morning I made conscious wish to be more present during treatment and try to give more love into my hands and intention of work. It seems working very well for clients and this stuff is always both ways. I felt very good after last client left, even physically tired, I felt very grateful and happy about my work.

 In the evening I did nothing more, was just resting and relaxing, its very strong and intense thing to have 3 clients in one day. But its always very rich and giving. Ohm mani padme hum.

10.8.2014 - day for myself

? W. Tonight I did not slept somehow well, but it was alright, lots of mosquitoes, but Im learning to just accept they suck my blood and I think Im making progress in it. All bites disappear rather fast. Anyway, in the morning I did almost full morning exercise.
 Notes: 14x pushups, 1:00 headstand - just to test.
 I) I dont want to overdo it, so I start slowly. I still felt my back and I also felt that big warning signal to not overdo it. I was very careful and mindful. Started with 10 minutes of Sun Salutations. Did 4x 5sec hold and 1 or 2 dynamic reps. It was very slow and, as I already said, mindful, so it wasnt somehow super warm-up, but sure good stretch.
 I did then 10 minutes of mixed exercise, some stretches and ABS exercises. I felt again my back and that my injury is still v.fragile.
 Last I was dancing for about 20 minutes, again carefully observing where I can go and where not and trying to give a lot to it. Cant say I enjoyed it as much as I normally do, but it was fine.

 Rest of the day I was watching movies, resting, cleaning, shopping, sorting stuff, washing clothes, simply everyday stuff I needed to do after holiday. I cant get out of head wish to play badminton with somebody. Already making steps to get a sparing partner. I feel this kind of moving could help me a lot. I feel so slow in last weeks, even when Im running. I also spilled my guts into long letter to my beloved, I miss feeling connection with her so I put all my troubles and thoughts and feelings into long letter and I hope we can reconstruct contact between us again.

 II) Afternoon I made finally something I want to do for years and repeated bit of Shiatsu theory, it was hard, but I believe if I try to make it habit, it could help me a lot. I also looked for some deutsch courses and make test where I made 18/80, thought I will make more, but I know now I have to try beginner group.
 III) In the evening I was dancing for about an hour, it was exhausting, I got lazy on the holiday :) I ended dancing with 10 minutes of meditating and visualizating my goals. I realized, that its not easy to allow myself to not care about anything and visualize what I would like no matter how stupid it may seem.

 In the end full day and I must say I feel so much grateful that I could have one day just for myself. It dosnt happen for long time (well, just week ago, but I was in crazy pain from injured back) and Im so much grateful for it! Ohm mani padme hum.

9.8.2014 - leaving back home

? W. Tonight was hard night. Me and my beloved are in very heavy mood with each other. But I went anyway in the morning to do at least bit morning exercise.
 I) Nothing major at all, just did 4 reps of Sun Salutations with 5 sec holds, I think 12 pushups, some stretches. It was mainly about doing at least something.
 For the rest of morning we just packed rest of stuff, said goodbyes to folks and my beloved took me to the bus and we bid goodbye to each other.
 Travel home was eventless, but to me surprise, lasted fast even it was almost 3 hours straight. I think I had so much in my mind that this thinking devoured all time.
 Rest of the day I spend just resting, sorting bit of stuff and so on. I was totally exhausted, mainly emotionally.
 
 Was hard day today. Ohm mani padme hum.

2.8.2014 - begining of holiday

? W. Today I slept very hard, because of inability to turn as I need. My legs were hurting like hell from being in same position and in the morning I did not really felt rested and my back pained almost the same. But in fact, it is better, its just all muscles which I used yesterday to function are suffering muscle fever and are swollen. Its different feeling then when its from injury.
 Later in the morning I took good rest and when I got up I could even stand straight for a while. Its just muscle sin back and all supportive system is very exhausted so I cant be up for long. I feel I just need to give my body good rest to relax and recuperate.
...tbc!

1.8.2014 - breaking up again

? W. Tonight I slept well and long. I could afford sleeping out today and do morning exercise so I used this opportunity. And so in the morning hurray for morning exercise.
 I) Well, it did not worked out quite like expected. First I did Sun Salutations for 10 minutes 5-3+1x2 holds in positions and it was good warm up as I felt it.
 Then I wanted to do pyramid from 12 and did 12x and pushups and situps 11x and at squats my back moved wrong and that was over for the day. Its far not as bad as in november last year (last time I had problems with my back), but its still very cripling thing and v.painful if I move wrong. Im working on healing this since then. Stretching, energy work, Shiatsu. I believe in 3 days I would be fit again totally, but I have to go tomorrow for a holiday and I cant carry backpack like this! Well, Im focusing on healing now and lets see.
 What Im fuzzed about is, that Im once again crippled and hold back by my own system, which works against me for some reason, I wish to find out why. I wasnt exercising so vigorously, but my healing touch started to work again. Why Im so frightened by escaping this smallness of my life?! Or why I cant bring this breaks which holds me back into consciousness, Im sure I could handle it. I feel its main thing I have to work on right now.

 Well, whole day lasted very fast, alternating resting and being at computer, watching movies. I could not do anything else. Tried to go walking a bit, but could not walk down the stairs, but when I tried again in the evening and then I could go even to the shop. I felt very embarrassed, because I was totally vulnerable in my state, anyone could come and do me anything and I could not do more then shout out from pain. And I also looked like cripple which was hard for my pride. Good exercise....

 Well, I hope you guys had better day then I did today, but sure worth day. I got again lot of support from my beloved and we also talked about why it happen and it seems its somehow connected to my connection to her and my friend and our boundaries in open relationship. I dont know where is the truth, but its interesting to observe how pain in back changes as Im going through different thematics. Ohm mani padme hum.

31.7.2014 - dancing around

? W. I slept well tonight, very deep, but I needed much more then usually. Could not get up at 5, got up at 6:10. I was too numb. But I was so proud on myself to not give up and go for at least some morning exercise.
 I) I went for 30 minutes run today. I was happy to even muster to go. But I felt I have to or inner regrets would be too strong. I felt I have to, that its something I have to do right now. I chose new route and went in easy, more jogging-like mood. Anyway it was rich. I used that time to start the blood running in my veins, to start the day, shake off un-easy stuff, to prove myself I have more energy then I think, that I can break this barrier in my head that after day like yesterday I need full rest.
 II) Later in the morning I had a client, rather standard treatment, maintenance we all need. I felt myself very tired and I wasnt happy about it. Im sure I did 100% for a client, but it took lot from myself. Im trying to be very careful with balance in my own system to be able to serve clients best and I feel I did not found the right way in this case, but thats only way how to make it better next time - to make mistakes.
 III) In the afternoon I had another client, good treatment, working intensively with this client on his topic. Its always also good talk, its gift to be able to talk with clients on topics which are very sensitive and on the edge of social acceptance (or beyond on that matter). Like this client a lot :)
 IV) In the evening I had taste to move some more so I went dancing. I was dancing for 1h:10m and I had great fun. Even I have about 10kg more then last time I did this, I enjoyed it much more, had much less physical struggles doing it and much more fun! I even danced all I could for a whole time, but mainly had fun. It charged me a lot.

 Good day today, bi lazy, but what the heck, its (hopefully) not last day of my life :) Cheers! Ohm mani padme hum.