1.8.2014 - breaking up again

? W. Tonight I slept well and long. I could afford sleeping out today and do morning exercise so I used this opportunity. And so in the morning hurray for morning exercise.
 I) Well, it did not worked out quite like expected. First I did Sun Salutations for 10 minutes 5-3+1x2 holds in positions and it was good warm up as I felt it.
 Then I wanted to do pyramid from 12 and did 12x and pushups and situps 11x and at squats my back moved wrong and that was over for the day. Its far not as bad as in november last year (last time I had problems with my back), but its still very cripling thing and v.painful if I move wrong. Im working on healing this since then. Stretching, energy work, Shiatsu. I believe in 3 days I would be fit again totally, but I have to go tomorrow for a holiday and I cant carry backpack like this! Well, Im focusing on healing now and lets see.
 What Im fuzzed about is, that Im once again crippled and hold back by my own system, which works against me for some reason, I wish to find out why. I wasnt exercising so vigorously, but my healing touch started to work again. Why Im so frightened by escaping this smallness of my life?! Or why I cant bring this breaks which holds me back into consciousness, Im sure I could handle it. I feel its main thing I have to work on right now.

 Well, whole day lasted very fast, alternating resting and being at computer, watching movies. I could not do anything else. Tried to go walking a bit, but could not walk down the stairs, but when I tried again in the evening and then I could go even to the shop. I felt very embarrassed, because I was totally vulnerable in my state, anyone could come and do me anything and I could not do more then shout out from pain. And I also looked like cripple which was hard for my pride. Good exercise....

 Well, I hope you guys had better day then I did today, but sure worth day. I got again lot of support from my beloved and we also talked about why it happen and it seems its somehow connected to my connection to her and my friend and our boundaries in open relationship. I dont know where is the truth, but its interesting to observe how pain in back changes as Im going through different thematics. Ohm mani padme hum.