200th day today - 200 entries and no comment, Im a bit vale about it and I admit it! But, as I write this blog on the internet, I would love to make it good for readers as well, and no responds makes chances for improvements very thin. Well, I believe its getting better anyway, because I change every day, but Im not only person on this planet and I would love to access my views and path to all who thirst to change theyr lives as well. As well as I desire to keep changing and exploring what live offer to me and us. I wouldnt mind to read your experiences, your opinions and read about your paths in life. We can make us all richer and free when we share our gifts.
78,7kg " - " Was expecting more, simply need to cut sweets - AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH ._.
I slept well and deep tonight, dont remember any dreams. And in the morning straight for morning exercises.
I) Today I wanted something in between 5 minutes warm up and Sun Salutations so I made 10 minutes of combination - 5x Sun Salutation, then counting to 30 running with boxing then again 5x SS and then again running and so on till alarm rung. Difficult, this switching modes was very confusing for my body. Im curious what this setup brings in future - if I would feel like repeating it, thats it.
Next I did 10 minutes of ABS and core training, mainly Barstarz exercises. I was very hard on me today, even couple of minutes before limit I felt like I cant do anything anymore, but I kept doing what I could, to stimulate my ABS to limit. It was maybe most demanding set I did so far, good for 200th entry today :)
3rd block was dedicated to Burpees for 5 minutes, I did only 25 of them, but I felt it as pretty good after what I did already, I felt good that I can enter non-comfortable zone and not just be in survival mode, but stay present and work consciously.
4th part today was dedicated to shadowboxing, after previous exercises it was like "oh may, oh may" how whole body protested. But if I would go to fight, I would have to fight and no matter how body feels at that moment so I kept working and practising and focused on precision and speed and presence. Very interesting to not enter "Im tired" mode while being tired, but muster senses and consciousness and stay present. Try it sometimes.
Last I was dancing for about 15 minutes, today I didnt tried to integrate anything but to enjoy and let do myself what I feel like. And it was nice and good and I enjoyed it very much :)
II) Later I did fair 2hrs yoga. I felt lot of resistance at some points, but I always remembered what teacher said in tantra course this week - resistance means, that something is happening... so I went on and did whole set. Actually today with very good focus on asanas, exept savasana where I not only wasnt focused, my mind traveled so far away, that I was disconnected from my body totally at one point. But I dont worry so much about it anymore, because when I return from this disconnected state, I can always feel my body much better then before. What was extraordinary today was Udianabandha - I felt very strong and warm energy flows in my whole body, not just Shushumna channel and ending of set - I had so strong sensations, that I had very hard times to continue doing Vajrasana and then Virasana, also diring Ardha-maciandrasana I had so strong sensations, that I had to ventilate with voice.
After yoga I felt like if I would went through mincer, shaking, feelings like bones are not on right places. Mind disconnected from body... and crazy taste for sweets...
Rest of the day I was unable to do other exercises, I was coming through such a strong processes that I couldnt. Im not sure if it was because I ate one BIG chocolate in my lust for sweets, but I never felt sugar rush for 10 hours. Anyway - I felt like Im loosing my mind, like if Im going regulary crazy and loosing my ability to live with other people. I felt like veil of "reality" is being lifted and I see everything in its pure form.
I was also finishing Cloud Atlas movie today and this powerful story added or multiplied this state of mine. I felt what it is that our society is so disfunctional and what causes all the suffering in the world, all connections and causes and effects, all become transparent as clean water. I felt that if I decide to change something in the world, I will have all tools and wisdom to do so. And with this realization comes fear!
I know this fear - its fear that my god nature is true (as we all are descendants of a god) and abilities and powers of a god himself are at hand. How this would change our world?! Forever and irreversible, imagine world where we all use our true potential to live our lives exactly as we wish. Understanding, that everything is just one energy and this energy is possible to shape however we want. No laws of man or rules can be applied, because no power can enforce them - where nothing is real and object to be changed at any time - or stay like this till the end of time. Crazy thoughts! Imaginations about world where everything is possible.
Im not creating here any new way of Goverment or something, its nothing what I was thinking about. What happened to me today was, that images of such world flashed in my head for several hours, I wasnt trying to figure out how it would work, if it would work and how would society look like, I wasnt THINKING about it. I just felt this possibility to be at hand. maybe in the way like child can have machinegun at its hands. And believe me - I felt like I seriously need help to settle down somehow, nothing pleasant this feeling of loosing mind Im telling you. Fortunately it was already 10pm when worst feelings come and I decided to try to sleep and it worked.
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