18.5.2013 - ?? weight. I slept very well this night, dont remember any dreams.
 This day was very long, very demanding, but also very joyful, full of fun and sun and rain and games and friends.
 Main even day for Beltain. I did not morning exercises, because it was raining and Im not hardcore enough to make exercise in rain or on rain-wet ground. But it was beautiful morning anyway. I enjoyed whole day no matter what was happening, it was so relaxing, refreshing and free to be on this event.
 I realized 2 things today.
 1) First time I had no hangover in the morning on event like this. Im basically not drinking alcohol at all anymore, rarely beer, but I took non-alcoholic beer with me on Beltain. And it was awesome to not have hangover in the morning and during the day. I enjoyed people, nature, event and everything much much more, clearly, present...
 2) Second - I felt 2 sides on same coin in the people appreciation way. One side was, that I felt so proud of myself, so much in my defense to prove that Im better and smarter then the others to not feel safe to not be totally in collective. But this time it was different, because this collective was very friendly and nice and Rainbow-like, but also very grounded and naturalist (in good way). So other side was that I saw how great those people actually are, everyone of them had skills others hadnt or could do something in which they were exceptional, like: making fire, play on guitar, make us rich and laugh with jokes or even simply being themselves and bring their unique, shining energy amongst us. Reult was, that with time I felt more and more, that I dont need to prove that Im better or shit, I could just flow into this collective and be with them, equally. And it was great feeling. Im touched by just writing about it, because its so rare in my life to feel equal with others and being a part of collective. I was most of my life either outsider, or a leader, but I like this equal way much more beautiful and safe. We complete each other, as collective, we was perfect.

 Else the day went on and afternoon we did games, catching apples in water with just biting (I won this one), one grouping game, where leader said number and we had to make groups in the size of this number and who was left was out of game until just 2 ppl was left and then they had to sit on a trunk and who sat first, won, then game where people stay on small trunks and have rope between them and goal is to make the other fall from trunk with pulling/pushing/loosing/tighting of rope (I won this one as well). Then we did fighting duels with weapons-of-choice (I won this one too), then group Arena where everybody fights against everybody and last game where objective was to run across the field, grab woman on your back and run back (I was last in this one :) ). It was not easy all those games! No matter how it may sound, it took good couple of hours and since we were about 16 people it took time and many rounds to find the winner. I was swept many times before we finished :) It was fun, stress for me, because I could not let go competition spirit, I took fights very seriously and was working with strategy a lot to win. It was interesting to notice how my exercises helps me in activities Im doing like once each couple of years or for a first time. Like this rope-game, I felt so sure, stable, knowing what to do and its been like 2 years since I did this last time. It was interesting feeling in whole body this from-the-universe coming knowledge, could get use to that if I could keep this connection full time.

 In the evening we did big fire and celebration with huge feast as every year with everything with amount of food which cant be eaten and also me as vegetarian could find enough to fill myself as much as I wanted to. And I did, wow... what a mix, I got even sick from mixing up everything, but I went into that with this in my mind and I enjoyed it with all aspects :)