?? Weight. I tried morning exercises, but my legs hurted so much, that I couldn't. And somehow flew on surface memory where I did not took rest after another difficult hike in the past and that it started my burnout years ago. So I took it as good opportunity to take a rest today from heavy exercises.
I feel like needing so much rest lately. I try to be really conscious about it and not fall into passivity or some energetic mud. I know it can crawl in very sneaky way, but I don't feel like depressed or something, just coming trough deep things. I feel grateful, that I can have this space as I have it, v.grateful.
I) What I did today was yoga session. "second" set - I alternate each session between 2 sets of asanas ATM. Today it was again v.strong. Another day in the adventure called yoga, after yesterday trip I could not do properly bridge (for example), but at the same time, it wasn't worthless, because I could feel different parts of my body about which I wasn't so conscious about. I feel this exploration v.important, it gives me conscious about my body and as I feel it - more conscious about body means more conscious about my life. Yoga is best tool I know in this way. Today session was in general... I cant even say, I felt lot of resistance to what is happening in me, My mind tried hard to find perfect reasons why I should stop doing it... I don't know if I overdo stuff or not, how can I know?! From my experience - only way to find out that something is too much is to crash or fall. Well, I hope I wont crash too hard this time, like in mad house or somewhere. I feel crazy enough already.
Rest of the day I spend with watching movies I wanted to watch for long time, resting, and doing lots of small things which keep coming all the time and are very fast heaping up.
What was v.strong for me today was one video I saw, its this: To this day . This short video touched me so deep. So deep cut I wouldn't believe its possible. It brought up all sorts of old shit from school times and showed me lots of old pains. When I saw it I was just crying without even knowing why this poem touches me so much, it was just there. For me it means, that it hit very deep and big nail in my being and yeah... even I don't feel I need more load ATM, I feel I have to deal with this stuff as well. I'm grateful for my friends and my beloved, not for their advices, but for their support, that they don't leave me when I feel these strong "unmanly" emotions... Today was a lot about topics from this poem and I feel its something so important for me, I wont forget it so quick.
Ohm mani padme hum.
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