82,5kg " + " again 1kg more :(
I slept a bit better tonight and in the morning back was a bit better. I did no morning exercises, it just wasnt possible yet.
I had whole day rest and heal, except stuff like minor shopping and cooking. But afternoon I tried pullups on a bar just for kicks and miracle happen. My back loosed and I could move like 100% better and in positions I had pain I just felt oh so pleasant normal feeling. I continued doing this during the day and it helped every time. Of course I had to be very careful, slow and feel into every correction of position and movement, but it worked out like miracle.
I) In the evening I went to tantra course. We basically exercised whole time so I did what I could and surprisingly it wasnt so little. I had to be, again, very careful, but it was very good. After 1 and half hour of yoga and meditation I felt MUCH better again. Power of yoga is incredible. And also showed me what I should do in next days at home - heal by yoga.
Good day really, it returned me faith that I can move again normally and work with clients next week. I would also like to share some feeling about this back injury.
I) Im happy I avoided doctors, I would maybe know what exactly happen, but I want to feel myself so good to know without doctors and RTG and stuff. And I think I felt myself good enough to know that I need to stretch back and did and it helped.
II) I was so disgusted how much power this injury gave me. Manipulation power. Yes, I wasnt playing anything and I was and still am in pain (even MUCH easier pain atm), but if I could I could use this situation to lazy much more and use people to do stuff for me. And I felt how easy it would be. And it was, I just asked and things happened as I wanted. But as I said - I did not abused my state at all, I asked only when I really could not do it other way - it was disgusting feeling how easy and tempting it is. I think this aspect had most effect on my healing, I feel very uncomfortable in this need and in feeling this tempting to make myself poor and abuse this power, this victim role gave me. So good lesson
III) I could feel my body so much more then usually. I was thinking if this did not happened to ground me again a bit, let me feel my body more. It also learned me lots of new moves, because I did not surrendered to pain and was actively trying to find way how to do things and found new moves for me. And I also found how are muscle groups burdened because I could feel them very good when they hurted.
IV) Im also afraid that this comes maybe because I did not allowed myself to take time for me I wanted. These days of healing and rest gave me so much space for me and I realized how much I needed that space.
Great day today! Ohm mani padme hum.
food notes:
oath flakes with sunflower seeds and apples
Petr's soup x 2
3 handfulls of raisins
3 slices of bread with butter and cheese
2 apples
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