91,1kg - uff, wasnt expecting THAT much, seems cake diet wasnt good move... nah, Im kidding, I was expecting that, I ate so much of sweets in last 2 weeks it would make anybody fat.
Else I slept well and dont remember dreaming. But I have really hard times falling asleep, seems there is no point going to sleep to early, I just wont fall asleep before 23. And in the morning hurray for morning exercise.
Notes: 29x pushup (16+10+3), 3:20 headstand.
I) I went running today 10,3km in 1:04 370m elevation. Was basically run to the forest to make circle and run back. But it was v.rich. Even tho I though I will make it faster. But I had breathing problems, I think I need to focus a lot on breathing as effective as possible. But it was nice run, forest was great and since I went out before 6 it was nicely empty around.
II) After breakfast I was playing on a flute for about 30 minutes. Enjoyed it sooo much, just played for fun and sound of it. It would take many weeks to get again where I stopped so I just play for joy.
III) Later in the morning I did yoga 3x1 2x2 2x3 2x4 1x5 1x6 1x7 (Shirshasana). Today it wasnt easy again, till Manipura chakra it was fine, but short before and during Anahata chakra asanas I struggled with lot of resistance. Its interesting. But when I felt into it a bit I realized that I have lot of suppressed pain in my heart chakra. I realized it just few days ago, that Im suppressing lot of pain from not being with those I love. I would love to just enjoy this longing to be with them, enjoy existence of this beautiful feeling and not suffer from not being satisfied (which is not possible in any case). Sometimes I can transform this suffering into bliss, but not always yet. It cant be pushed or forced, it has to come from inside, but this process can be supported by conscious wish to not suffer and to enjoy what is here. Anyway, I did new setup and tried some new asanas with which I will have lot of work and its good.
I also realized how exercising yoga and Brahmacharia changes my daily routine dramatically. Its natural. And I also felt today, that this activity threatens something in my patterns and thats whats kicking me down, want to track this pattern down and find out what is it and whats hidden behind this daemon.
IV) After lunch I did Brahmacharia for something over 30 minutes (yesterday evening too). Its already getting easier and more controlled. Even got short energetic orgasm today. Very nice.
In general I feel strong wish to get together again and wake up more of my potential.
...tbc
V) Afternoon I had a client. On Shiatsu side it wasnt so special, because client needed more physical treatment today, but we had very interesting talk about tantra and spirituality and sociality in general and it was very inspiring talk.
For the rest of the day I was just doing my stuff and resting. Nothing interesting to write about. Demanding day today tho, I felt today on the edge of physical possibilities ATM, but not exhausted or tired, it felt more like warning from my system. Ohm mani padme hum.
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